Majik 11-16-2001 to 05-23-2010

Nine years ago, we decided to breed our Jack Russell terrier, Scout. We did a lot of shopping for the perfect daddy. Scout met and loved Petey, her pups' father. As the pregnancy moved along, I used to hold Scout and rub her belly. When the puppies began to move, I could swear that one of them responded to my touch. Diane and I would marvel at the activity of this one pup when I would move my finger from different spots around this pups position on Scouts belly. The morning the pups were born Diane and I stood at the ready to help as needed. Scout did all the work but with the birth of the first pup she was confused over what was happening and tried to go after the newborn. I took the pup in my hand and held her. I could swear this was the pup in the belly by the reaction to my touch. She snuggled in and kicked her legs like she was trying to become a part of my hand. We named her Majik. She was magic. After a couple of more pups were born, I returned Majik to her mother as the instinct had kicked in and Scout was ready to clean and nurse this baby. But the bond had been made.

As the time came to place the pups in new homes we agonized over whom to let the pups go to. All new owners had to sign a contract that if the ever wanted to sell/give the dog away we reserved the first right to take the pup back. This letting the pups go to uncertain futures was so painful for us that we ended up neutering Scout. Puppy days were over. We ended keeping 2 of the pups. Majik and Montana. We called them the twins.

Majik was a complete love. She loved to be held by me and she would rub her face and head against my face when I held and kissed her. One of our favourite things to do was to sit on the steps out back. I would hold her and ask her if she wanted me to tell her about the day she was born. I would recount for Majik the story about her birth and our bond. I would tell her that I have been with her from the time she was born and I would be with until the time she leaves the earth. This was my bond to this pup.

We board the dogs when we go away because we don’t trust anyone to watch them in our house. They are high maintenance with many personality issues we don’t expect people to understand. But they are our little family. When we left for Aruba 11 days ago, Diane and I told each dog how much we loved them, how many days we were going to be gone and above all, when we were coming to get them.

This was supposed to be a blog about our trip to Aruba. We just returned early this morning. But it has turned into another story. The night before we were to head back home, we got a voicemail that we needed to phone the vet on her cell straight away. The news was not good. We had just talked to the kennel the day before and all the pups were doing fine. On the morning of May 23, 2010 Majik didn’t want to eat her breakfast. She just went and lay in her cuddler bed. The kennel help left her and came back an hour later and she was gone. I admit that I fell apart at this news and was probably not a lot of help to Diane who held it together to make arrangements. I was angry and wanted to blame someone. This was not supposed to happen. We were supposed to take our whole family home. Diane had the sense to order an autopsy and preliminarily we have learned that Majik had an enlarged heart and a very large blood clot was found that probably ended her life quickly. CHF. Now reading the symptoms of this disease, some symptoms that seemed benign, now begin to make sense.

Our hearts are broken. We feel all the feelings you can imagine. From being bad parents to we will never go on vacation and board the dogs again.

I just hope Majik forgives me for not being there with her when she left this earth as I was there when she entered it. I don’t know if I can forgive myself. I will try but the pain is just too great right now.

Diane will go to the kennel today to pick up Majiks belongings and cuddler bed. She will silently tell Majik that the mommas are here to get her and it’s time to go home. Come on home to us Majik.

Like every summer before this one, I will sit out on the steps out back and silently tell Majik about the day she was born.

Today we are sending in our applications for Canadian Citizenship. We have been living in Canada for a bit over three years. From what we hear, this will be an interesting process! It may well take as long as the immigration process took. I will keep you informed of the timeline and milestones as they occur. Wish us luck!

Catch Up

It has been 2 months since my last confession . . .

I have moved away from blogging and have been consumed by Facebook (crackbook). This is just a simple fact. I’m not saying one is superior to the other; Facebook is just quicker and easier. The blog started out as a diary of our journey toward immigration. We are moving toward year 3 since we have been in Canada and I guess I don’t have much more to say about immigrating here. I’m not sure how many USians are still looking to immigrate. Maybe changes in economy, housing, Obama, etc have changed things.

So I will tell you about our latest adventure. We spent 8 days on Grand Cayman Island. I have noticed how living in Canada has changed things about the way we travel. In the past, the first thing we would have done upon arriving in another country is rent a car. Sometimes the car would not be used for several days. It would sit in the parking lot. But we knew it was there if we decided to go somewhere. This trip was quite different. We used a taxi to get to our hotel but that was it. We used the bus to get everywhere else. It is a bargain at $2 CI to go anywhere one way. The buses are all large vans. They beep their horns at you as you walk along and you wave at them if you want them to stop and pick you up. They stop anywhere. There are designated stops but they will let you off and pick you up anywhere. The Caymanian people were warm, helpful and wonderful to us travelers.

We met up with some American friends there and had a fantastic time. It was a much needed break. I spent the greater part of my time under the water. The beaches and ocean were like those postcards that you think have been photo shopped because no beach can be that beautiful White powder sand and turquoise blue water. Exquisite! The snorkeling was some of the best I have ever seen. Right off the beaches in front of the hotel were reefs and hundreds of fish. It was amazing. I took more pictures of underwater than land photos.

We took a tour to Stingray City. This is a reef in the open ocean that hundreds of stingrays visit. The photos below will speak for themselves.

Pirate ships would pass by on the ocean. Sure they were for the tourists’ eye, but hey, that was me. My friend Teresa and I posed by a corny tourist statue with a pirate, the good kind of pirate. Teresa and I went to high school together. She and her husband Jim were fantastic travel mates.

Every night the four of us would meet on our patio to discuss the problems of the world. Quite a few nights we spent trying to figure out how to live in this beautiful place for half the year. I do love my Victoria in the summer, though. I feel no need to go anywhere else once the farm stands open up and the organic markets are in full swing.

Iguanas roamed the island and it was quite common to run across them on your way to the beach or dinner.

Diane could legally buy Cuban cigars and rum for the first time in our travels. We only got a wee bit of flack from the American customs agent in North Carolina.

Now we are back into the swing at work and missing our vacation time. The next thing we have planned is Las Vegas for American Thanksgiving.

I will try to post more often but if you friend me on Facebook I post on there more often.
Thanks for tuning in.

25 Small Things (This started out on facebook)

1) I am a circular writer and thinker. I like to read what others are thinking and feeling. I’m not overly concerned by reading incorrect and not-perfect grammar. I like the feel of the thoughts and the messiness of emotion. I like how thoughts stumble over themselves and search around until they come back to where they started. I like where they travel along the way. I like circular.

2) I love coming home every night to my house in the forest. I greet the same deer and demanding Stellar Jay’s at the bird feeder. I love the quiet and solitude. The solar fairy lights make me smile inside.

3) I read fiction. I love fiction. I would like to write teen fiction. I did write a novel in the 80’s. Sci-fi feminist-type genre. I can get lost in a book like no other experience I know. Books are my friends and I am sad when the story is over. I loved working at the Library in Las Vegas. (Not the strip club that is called The Library, either)

4) On the latest version of Survivor, they wanted to vote off the ‘Old Lady’. I’m older than she is. I don’t feel like an old lady. I am still the same person I was in 20’s. My behavior has changed. My face has changed. I have reached some of the goals I set for myself. I still feel like there is a lot to do and see.

5) I want to go to Thailand. There. That is a new goal.

6) I appreciate my friends.

7) Friday night is the best time of the week.

8) I’m very relaxed about grammar but if we are sharing a spreadsheet and you mess up the formulas, I have to stop myself from screaming ‘STEP BACK FROM THE F%^&*NG COMPUTER . . .’

9) I miss my mother.

10) I am Alpha in my pack of Russell’s. I can achieve this with a look. But sometimes I need to curl my lip and snarl.

11) My greatest fear has always been that one day I will wake and realize that I’m the crazy person who screams at invisible people on the subway. When I’m waiting in the car for Diane at the grocery store I always wonder, if this is the moment I realize, there is no Diane, I have made up the whole thing. Sometimes when I’m one my way to work I wonder if this is the day, I realize that I don’t have a job, I’m the crazy person who drives to this place and sits in the parking lot all day until it is time to go home. Then I will drive up to what I believe is my home, try to get in with a key that doesn’t work, so I beat on the door and the real owners will call the police to take me away. I have always feared these things.

12) I like the thought of snow more than the reality.

13) I am healthier now than I have ever been. Except for #11.

14) I truly feel alone most of the time, even when I am with lots of people. I live in my head. I look at the world like I’m viewing a movie. I can be disconnected too easily and have to force myself in the other direction.

15) I never intend to do anyone harm.

16) I fear making errors. If I make an error at work, I am much harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. That is why I check and double-check myself almost to the point of obsession.

17) I love the smell of the woods when I stop at my mailbox to get the mail. I always think ‘Ahhh that is why I am here.’ I like how the golden sunlight filters through the branches on the trees to leave patchworks of light on the road when I drive home at night. I pass my favorite stream and open my window, no matter what the weather, to hear the gurgle and trickle of the water.

18) I don’t get to see many movies. But I almost always read the book.

19) I religiously look at houses for sale in Las Vegas and think I will buy one when the market bottoms out. Why? I could never live in Las Vegas again. See #17.

20) I don’t have enough time.

21) When I was younger I was convinced that I would be a famous singer/actor. After I made millions of dollars I would travel to Egypt. Then I realized I could skip the waiting to be famous part and just go. I lived in Egypt when I was 19. I just went there. No plans. No idea what I was getting myself into. Very little money. A backpack with a couple changes of clothes. Then when I was 20, I hitchhiked all the way to New York. I carried everything in a duffle bag. I had no plans. I lived and breathed ‘The Course in Miracles’. I believed that I was invincible. I probably was.

22) Snorkeling in warm water surrounded by fish is my idea of heaven.

23) I should be less aloof.

24) My favorite color changes constantly as does my favorite food, favorite book, favorite song, etc.

25) I should write more but I worry about being less than perfect with grammar. My spelling is atrocious. I hope you will just feel what I’m saying and not be too critical about how I say it. See, I am a circular writer and thinker.

Consumables or Trout Bait?

It has been a while since I posted anything so I thought I would just post some random thoughts. The snow has had us so preoccupied every waking minute between shoveling, plowing and spreading environmentally friendly ice melter that poof! the holidays were over. It is now a thrilling 9 degrees C and the sun is blazing so brightly it almost hurts my eyes to look at it. Yesterday we took the deprived pups for a 4 mile walk at Royal Roads. It was so incredibly beautiful it made me ache inside. We still look at one another and say “Can you believe that we live here?”
We were fortunate to have friends from Seattle come to visit over the holidays. It really felt like a celebration when they arrived. We temporarily forgot about the 60cm of snow piled up along the driveway. We watched the birds at the feeder (an occasional squirrel and deer as well). Diane had a small holiday party for her curling team. We went to a wonderful Boxing Day party despite the snow falling.
Work is work. I know we are fortunate to have jobs but it does not make it any easier to drag myself away from our forest home and my 4 furry children. The dogs were stir-crazy during the month when they could only follow the tunnels through the snow in the back yard to do their business. Montana, our child with weight issues, went to the vet yesterday for a check up and she has gained some weight. An 11.4 kilogram Jack Russell is large by any standards. And so the walking on the weekends begins.
We never make New Years Resolutions. We do look at our privilege. We are grateful for everything we have. So this year, on New Years Eve, we decided that our goal for this year is to limit our discretionary spending to consumables. Looking around at our life, we really don’t need more ‘stuff’. If we do purchase a ‘stuff’ item, we will stop to question ourselves; is it a trout item or something that we will be using for at least 10 years? We call trout items those things that appear in front of you, usually bright and shiny to catch your attention. They are a hook. You don’t know much more about it than it is attractive at the moment. Before you know it you have swallowed it, you’re hooked, just because it was interesting for a brief flash of time. We have vowed to make this a trout-free year. We are working on making the exceptions discussions to be hashed out and not jack-rabbit responses to stimuli.
This week we will watch the inauguration of Obama. I certainly have hope for his time in office but I’m not naive about what he will really be able to do. I hear rumors about the reversal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. It makes me hopeful for people I know in the US military who struggle with this on a daily basis. I’m so tired of the States and the hiding in the dark on this issue. Canada has been so refreshing. I love living here. I will visit the States on occasions, but Canada is my home. I miss my friends and the community we had there. But I would not trade this for that. (See Heather, it did not take me long after the snow melted to lose the “What was I thinking?” whine) So we will plan vacations with friends from the US and Canada and hope that somewhere in between we will build our new community.

We won’t consume like trout this year and in 2010 we will consume even less than in 2009.

Have a Happy Holiday!

And in case you haven't seen enough snow where ever you are tonight . . .

From our house to yours . . .

Have a safe and happy journey. See you in the New Year!

Winter Wunderland or "It never snows in Victoria"

Winter Wonderland

No need to dream of a white Christmas.

After shoveling the deck you can see how deep the snow was.

Salmon Running

Last weekend, Diane and I took our little dog Scout to Goldstream Provincial Park to watch the salmon run. It is literally minutes away from our house. We kept looking at each other and saying, “Yes, we live here!” I’ve included some pictures.

Everyone here is all abuzz about the new Coalition Government. It looks like it is going to happen!!! Say good-bye Stephen Harper!

We have moved our office. As of tomorrow, I will report to work in a new building that has never been used. Our furniture will be on the new carpet that has never had toner spilt on it or paperclips worked into the mat. I’m the printer room will have that ‘new car smell’. I will get to unpack the boxes I packed up last week. I will take in cookies I baked on my day off and peanut butter truffles to try and sooth the group. Even office moving can be stressful. I still remember what real moving stress is. Remember the boxes, bubble wrap and list of goods to follow? Seems like a long time ago.

It is a foggy, misty day. A very nice day off day. Magical. For some reason, the antique mantel clock above the fireplace that has not worked for several years decided today that it now works.

I just got a call from my boss. We have the green light to go into work tomorrow and start unpacking our boxes. The fun begins.

US Presidential Race

Just because we need a laugh, a preview of next season's Dancing With The Stars.

Ann Mary Burger (April 6, 1923 - October 20, 2008)

Diane’s mother died on Monday in Baltimore, Maryland. Diane had flown out there on Friday and got to spend a very nice day with her mother Saturday.

Along with the pain of losing her mother, her brother, who was her mother’s legal representative had Diane’s visitation privileges revoked. Why? Because he could. Because he asked her not to show up at the hospice until noon on Sunday, which she did wait until noon, but she failed to call him on his cell and ask his permission to enter the room before she walked in. He told Diane she would be subordinate to him or not see her mother at all. After Social workers stepped in and tried to mediate a workable situation an attorney friend of Diane’s in Maryland advised her to “Kiss his ass or you will not see your mother at all”. Her last visit on Sunday was a supervised 1 hour visit to say her goodbyes. Her brother informed her that her visitations would be terminated altogether on Tuesday. Diane’s mother died the next day, on Monday. Her mother’s services are private (read: Diane is not invited) Given all of this, there really was not much point in staying in Maryland so she flew back home to Victoria late last night. Diane’s relationship with her brother is strained to say the least. A lot of it is the gay thing. Diane’s brother does not hesitate to tell her how much he hates her.

Now, take a moment to imagine if Diane and I had stayed in the States and something had happened to Diane. What do you think he would have done to me?

Reason number 1909 we are glad to be living in Canada is, families are often ugly and they can not touch us here.

Thanks Giving
I’ve been very negligent in blogging lately. I have lots of material in terms of social events (i.e. Oktoberfest party, Thanksgiving, etc.) but somehow I just don’t have the levity of spirit to post these events. I read WMTC and WEB’s blogs daily and feel that I really don’t have a lot of relevancy to add comments about the current politics in the US and Canada. I seem to be glued to the financial news like watching an automobile accident out the window of my vehicle as I pass it by. It doesn’t help that financially we still have a leg in the States and one here in Canada. We still have to be concerned with every bounce and fall in the exchange rate. At the Thanksgiving dinner table of dear friends who were gracious enough to include us, we all went around the table and said aloud what we were thankful for. All of the statements that were made I could identify with. I am grateful we got out of the States when we did. My good friend N. has been trying to sell her house in Las Vegas, the worst depressed housing market in the States, to move back to Connecticut to be with her mother who has Alzheimer’s and her brother with cancer. I received an email from her last week that her mother had died and she was taking her house off the market. No hope left for N. No time to get back with her mother. I have another friend in LV on a Social Security disability with a maintenance problem on his trailer. He can’t get anyone to extend him credit to get it fixed and allow him to pay it back in small installments. Winter is on the way and he will have no heat. I have made calls and I do what I can from afar, but it is difficult. I know someone else who pulled their college aged daughter out of University because they can’t afford to keep her there. The father has lost his job and the mother was a stay at home Mom, now of course a luxury they realize they can no longer afford. She now is trying to get a minimum wage job in place where the unemployment is at 11 percent and she has no job skills or experience. There is still part of me that grieves for the America that is dead. Not just as in dead Capitalism but dead as in the dreams of friends we left behind. It is a grieving process. I have a general feeling of discontent. Nothing I can point my finger to and say, ‘Aha, that is the culprit’. Just an overall uneasiness that nags at me constantly that I should be doing something, something more than going to work and coming home to do the cleaning and cooking, necessary things for sure, but lacking in that complete feeling of accomplishment. And yet, those simple tasks are what make up the complexion of my days. That and watching the stock tickers and the political pundits scoff at the idea the sky is falling one minute and then do their best Chicken Little impersonation the next. Some of my Canadian friends believe that Canada is immune to a US style meltdown. I don’t think anyone is immune, we are possibly better positioned. But it doesn’t make me feel any better to have security in the short term while people down South are struggling so much. I watch CNN report that even though the polls have Obama so far ahead of McCain that most people polled are lying. They are just saying they are for Obama and they will actually vote for McCain once they are in the booth.

Really?

That sounds awfully convenient as a reason for stealing another election. You know, the exit polls are just a bunch of Americans lying.

I took today off work to watch the election returns. I will take of November 4th, as well. I have the banked flex time at work, so why not.

The weather here is wet, misty and so fall like. I will sign off now, as I’m going to get gas for my vehicle at 1.21 a litter. Oh yes, and be thankful for everything that Canada has provided us. We are thankful and fortunate to be where we are.

Naomi Wolf
It takes about 26 minutes to watch but it is well worth it.

In case you didn't see this yet . . . a little bit surprising.


School cuts gay, lesbian issues from elective

Canwest News ServicePublished: Monday, September 22, 2008
VANCOUVER --Abbotsford high schools have been prevented from teaching the controversial new Social Justice 12 course because the local school board wants to review its content.
The elective course, which deals with issues ranging from homophobia to animal rights, has caused controversy among religious groups that worry it's too malleable to the individual beliefs of teachers.
One school -- W.J. Mouat Secondary -- scrambled to modify the course, removing content about homosexuality, after the board said it couldn't be offered this semester. Mouat began promoting the course early this year during course planning, said social studies department head Leanne Abrey. Ninety students had signed up for it.
It wasn't until the beginning of the summer, she said, that the board told the school the course couldn't be offered until the final version was approved.
The school rushed to take out parts of the course and expand on others, creating a new course called "Global Studies and Active Citizenship," Abrey said. She said the course no longer contains sections on homosexuality and gay and lesbian rights.
Abrey said she's been saddened and frustrated by the board's intervention.
"I kind of questioned why a ministry-approved course would need to have board approval," she said.
"I don't think it reflects well on our community. It sort of defeats the purpose of a social justice course when it can't be offered."
Abbotsford school district superintendent Des McKay said the board has put Social Justice 12 on hold because it has not yet had a chance to review the final version of the course.
"We're just trying to follow good process," he said.

Cowards?

I watched the speeches of the Democratic National Convention. All were quite moving in some way. Hillary and Barack both made gratuitous mention of GLBT issues. As Barack spoke, I knew that whether he is the perfect choice for President or not, he is the only choice for a chance for the US to take some power back from the Decider and his regime. McCain seems like a foot soldier for the same government that has been in power for the last 8 years.

I have read the criticism that US to Canada immigrants are cowards. In moments of self doubt, it occurs to me that maybe I was a coward. It didn’t feel very cowardly at the time. We left the best jobs we have ever had to move to a new country with no means of employment and the expectation that when we did find employment it would be at about half the amount we had been paid in the States. We left the friends and connections one makes after 50 plus years of life. That is perhaps the hardest thing. We left our comfort zone. We left everything we knew to be true for the complete unknown. Cowardice?

Every person who knew us and our plans as we were in the process of leaving the States to move to Canada remarked on what a brave a thing it was to do. I didn’t feel brave, I felt like it was the only reasonable thing we could do. We are in our fifties. We didn’t feel like fighting for the rest of our lives to be recognized as equal citizens. We wanted a quality of life that we could only have by leaving. We wanted to know for sure that if either of us was in the hospital we could make decisions together or for one another. We wanted to know for sure that if either of us died it would not leave the one remaining destitute. Some of our family members are not supportive, nice people. We didn’t want to leave each other an unwinnable legal war in the event of one of ours demise. It didn’t feel cowardly or brave. It felt like the only reasonable alternative we had.

As I watched the speeches and felt my twinges of cowardice, I knew that we did the only reasonable thing we could. We stepped out on the precipice and jumped into the void. Depending on your motivation I guess that could be interpreted as either bravery or cowardice.

To totally change the subject –

Last Christmas Diane and I gave each other a gift of a donation to the Pacific Northwest Raptors. I have an irrational fear of birds, even a sparrow (thanks Alfred Hitchcock?). We went to visit the centre in Duncan BC and were able to go out on a hawk walk with a Harris Hawk named Annikin. I’m including some pictures because for me this was the ultimate bravery.

We have returned from our holiday and go back to work tomorrow. We had a fantastic time visiting the Okanagan. We stayed in Summerland, centrally located between Kelowna and Oliver close to Penticton. It was our anniversary on 08/08/08 and wanted to do something special. We drove the Coquihalla Highway to get to Summerland. It is beautiful scenery and a very pleasant drive. The most disturbing thing about the drive is to see the damage the pine beetle has done to the trees. The mountains are covered with dead, brown pines. It is really sad. Global warming is helping these beetles to get a strong foothold in the BC forests and it is very hard to get rid of them.

We had a great time on the Kettle Valley Steam train. It is a turn of the century locomotive complete with a bank robbery and bar-be-que. Very touristy and I loved it.

We visited all of the wineries in Penticton, most in Summerland, Peachland and Oliver and several in Kelowna. So many good experiences, I can’t recall them all. I’ll include some pics.

Of course, we went golfing at 1:16 in the afternoon of the hottest day of the year for Summerland. It was 39 degrees. Diane’s truck temperature gauge registered 108 Fahrenheit. We golfed with a friendly couple who were visiting from Toronto. What do you do when you leave the golf course? Stop at more wineries on the way home.


I loved Kelowna. It is a great town to visit. It is so much like Nevada, though. A little too hot. But I really liked it there. As we drove along the highway looking out at the Okanagan it reminded me a little bit of the Laughlin/Bullhead run but on a much larger more lovely scale.

We rented a little villa with our own swimming pool. I loved this since it is one thing I miss from living in the desert. I swam everyday. It was great to come home at the end of the day, swim, bar-be-que and drink very nice wine. We ended up bringing home 74 bottles to add to the cellar. Very special occasion wines. We said before we left that we might bring back a case or two. But knowing us, and remembering our trip to Paso Robles that one or two case thing was a fantasy.

On the way home we took the southern route through Keremeos to hit all the fruit and vegetable stands. We brought home peaches, nectarines, apricots melon, cherries and blueberries. Corn, squash and tomatoes. And in case I forgot to mention. More wine. We found and vineyard/winery/fruit stand. It was really excellent wine.


Well, I treated myself to a going back to work massage today. All the stress of wining and dining to work out of my muscles.

Thanks to Doug and Dixon for the moon :) and the singing.


Thanks to Bob and Dave for the calls and well wishes.

I guess it’s time to get my clothes ready for work tomorrow.